Mama Knows Breast




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Breast Feeding Quotes

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The Bortski (27 months) seems to have a new found interest in my breasts. His fascination is different from that of The Bear (8 months). And it’s certainly different from that of his father (444 months). It seems, purely and simply, that he has taken a scientific approach to my chest. Here are a few scenes from the theater of the absurd here in our apartment.
SCENE 1:
I am rushing to get dressed. We have a birthday party to get to on the other side of the city and it’s raining. Dada is changing The Bear’s diaper. I have to corral the Bortski to change his diaper. I’m half dressed. Can’t put on my clothes until the last possible moment in case of sweating, baby spit up, and misfired pee. The Bortski runs into the room and runs out while making this pronouncement:
Bortski: “Mommy, I found your boobies.”
Dada: (from the other room) “How’d they look?”
Bortski: “Pretty.”
Me: (stunned silence).
Dada: “Did you hear that? I think you’ve got your quote of the week.”
SCENE 2:
The Bortski: “Mama, can I touch your boobies?”
Me: “Um, ok.”
The Bortski: “Ok.”
Thankfully, he turns to run away and does a flying leap, head first onto the sofa. “Super Bortski!”
SCENE 3:
The Bortski has figured out how to open the drawers on our dresser. This requires a bit of skill since there aren’t any handles. He reaches into one and pulls out Dada’s jock strap.
Bortski: “Mommy, I found the thing that holds your boobies.”
Me: “Oh, thanks so much. Can I have that, sweetie? Thanks!”
SCENE 4:
Bortski: “Mommy, your nipples are next to your boobies.”
Me: “Yes, that’s right.”
Bortski: “I have nipples.”
Me: “Yes, you do.”
Borstki: “I don’t have boobies.”
SCENE 5:
I’m changing The Bortski’s diaper. He reaches down to touch himself.
Bortski: “What’s in my diaper?”
Me: “That’s your penis.”
Bortski: “It’s on me. Like your boobies on you.”
Me: “Um, yes, that’s right.”
SCENE 6:
Bortski: “Mommy, what’s your Boobies name is?”
Me: “They don’t really have a name.”
Bortski: “Call them Mr. Booby.”
Do your kids have any zingers you’d like to share? Do tell.
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One Response to “Breast Feeding Quotes”

1)Daddy: (picking up fussy baby) “Come here baby, I’ll nurse you.”
Ben (4ys. old) “Daaadddy! You can’t nurse Ethan, you don’t have any breasts!”
2) Luke (3 yrs. old) “Mommy, you nurse Ethan and I’ll nurse kiki” (his word for his fav. blankie)

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